Madisucks.

I think I’ve mentioned this before, but I really want to make a twitter just to harass people I don’t like.

I would follow the hell out of me.

I love it when people complain about their latest iphone issues.

I love it. I eat that shit up.

My Windows phone is beautiful and fast and smooth and great.

I just want to hold Ryan Gosling and tell him “it’s all going to be ok, you sweet, beautiful man”.

The man is flawless. Plus, you get him mixing it up with George Clooney in suits, being democrats. I like it. It was actually a good movie, handsome men or not.

No one will believe this or think it’s very special but whatever whatever.
Brad and I seriously have some sort of freaky connection that cannot be explained. I know everyone thinks they have this but NO. This is real and I don’t even believe in this kind of shit. I can’t tell you how many times we have texted each other at the exact same time in the middle of the day, or I can’t get through when I call him because he’s calling me, or we text each other the same thing. Even before we were really dating this stuff was happening, I would pick up my phone and he would call, start typing a text and he would text me. We also notice the same little things, like we’ll walk by a crowd of people and both start making fun of the lady in the cat sweater. Then this morning, I woke up unusually early, reached for my phone and as soon as I unlocked my screen I got a text from him that he forgot to set his alarm and he had just woken up. Literally a thousand miles apart, and we woke up at the same exact time. One time he referred to this as our love feelinz. I just need to share.

WOW. I REALLY WISH I COULD PLAY A GODDAMN SONG ON THE UKULELE I’VE HAD FOR TWO YEARS.

Last year I went to a couple Halloween parties thrown by work friends. Brad and I made some great costumes. We were giant legos. Pretty cool, right? Wrong. We were like the only ones dressed up. It was horrible. We were standing there in cardboard boxes and everyone else was either in regular clothes or the lame “I’m wearing a plaid shirt and boots, I’m a cowgirl” type costume.
So, this year that’s not happening. I’m going to a party with funnier, better people, but I’m not taking chances. I’m going to be Pam from The Office. It’s perfect. We look similar enough to pull it off, I can wear contacts for the night, and I already have cardigans and skirts. I’m going to even add some nice touches like a yogurt lid medal. PERFECT.

You like beef jerky. You like bacon. Why not have two wonderful things combined?
BACON JERKY! Yeah, man. Yeahhh.

The girls who are always saying “boys suck” or “I hate boys” are usually the same girls who are always talking to a bunch of different guys (even when they are in a relationship).

Well, I wouldn’t want to date you either, and if i did I probably wouldn’t treat you like you were anything special.

If you’re a 3 on the personality/self respect/loyalty meter, you shouldn’t be expecting a 10.

Do people really unfollow when you don’t post? What the hell? How do you even keep track of that?