June 2012
12 posts
Today I am given more reasons to avoid contact with my conservative relatives.
My vacuum is broken and it has allowed me to make this joke 3 times:
Person: “Oh, that sucks..”
Me: “Actually, it doesn’t. That’s the problem.”
BAZINGA
“I don’t know if this is the dew talking or what…”
—Brad, after drinking a small Mt. Dew.
I'm stoned as fuck on the bus watching The Vow and dying
sade:
at one point she asks in the car “did you fart?” he says “no”, she rolls down the window, he says “a little bit”….SHE ROLLS IT BACK UP. really, sparks? this is where we’re at now?
he asks her to move in via blueberries on a pancake? they illegally get married at the art gallery and are chased out mid-ceremony by security because they’re too fucking twee for this earth hoooly fuuuuck stooooop I can’t take this horseshit any more
Stupid dog
Sometimes Cooper will be sleeping and he’ll wake up like he’s been startled, but really his leg is just asleep. Then he runs around the living room in circles like he’s being chased by his own dead leg.
Whoever made this “Ginger Zinger” trail mix is my hero. It’s like it was made for me. No fillers, just a ton of nuts and dried berries and a bunch of crystallized ginger.
